I didn't watch the debate tonight because it was tape delayed here in California (which was an incredibly stupid decision on ABC's part although now that I know how awful it was I want to thank them) and because it was a wierd day for me.
My mom finally got the okay to go back on the experimental pill she has to take for her leukemia (she had to stop because it was depressing all of her blood counts) and while that is good news, it also means we will be back on the roller coaster - twice weekly blood tests, weekly transfusions, shots to stimulate her white blood count, heavy duty antibiotics to prevent infection, hope then fear then back to hope again.
Dealing with my mom's illness is one of the few real things I face each day. Everything else is really just bull shit.
Like tonight's debate. Gibson and Stephawatchamacallit apparently spent most of the debate asking about stupid things like flag pins, and invisible Bosnian snipers, and some "weatherman" guy Barack is supposed to know which of course makes him a dirty stinkin commie pig, or was it Rev. Wright who is supposed to have made him that, or those donors in San Francisco who were with him when he called bitter people "bitter."
My mother has a terminal disease and my father is disabled and needs to be looked after and two idiots on television are piling on so that the designated establishment candidate Hillary can have one last chance to overturn the will of the people and destroy whatever remains of our democracy after eight years of Bush crimes.
If I screamed as loud as possible would anyone hear me?
Two days ago one of my neighbors was screaming her head off and I was the only one who went outside to see who was dying. It turns out she was trying to get help because one of our extremely irresponsible neighbors once again let her dogs run loose outside and they were trying to kill a smaller dog.
No one paid any attention to her screams, so why strain my vocal cords just to express my belief that the world has gone insane?
And then there is the great papal visit. While over at my parents' house today, after I delivered dinner to them, I caught a few minutes of the pope at the D.C. basilica. He was sitting on some kind of a throne, and he had fur around his neck. Some cardinal was introducing him with the gushiest kind of flattery that I thought went out of fashion when feudalism died, but I guess not. Then he started speaking in a thick German accent, with lots of "zees" and "zats." My dad kept turning up the television because he couldn't understand the guy, but I knew it was hopeless. It wasn't that the t.v. wasn't loud enough; it was that he couldn't make out what Benedict was saying.
The camera panned around the room and all you could see were old men with either purple (bishops) or red (cardinals) beanies and black dresses, all sitting in rapt attention, even though they probably couldn't understand him either. All men. No women. All unmarried men. I could say all celibate men, but that would be misleading. I heard later that the pope promised to do everything possible to prevent another child abuse scandal. Good luck, I thought.
And then that urge to scream started up again.
As I headed home I noticed that some gas stations were now charging $4.00 a gallon.
Gas is $4.00 a gallon.
Dozens of people are still dying in Iraq.
Billions of tax dollars are being flushed down the toilet in Iraq.
Millions of Americans don't have health care.
Millions of Americans are losing their jobs, their homes, and their cars.
The planet is heating up and no one is doing much about it.
We're using up all the fish.
Priests are still molesting children.
Nuclear weapons are all over the planet.
The Israelis and the Palestinians keep killing each other.
Muslims think they have the true religion and Christians think they do, and each is willing to battle each other to the end.
Our economy is in the tank and China owns us.
The corporations call all the shots in this country.
We the people are irrelevant.
My parents are dying.
And Charlie and George think the best question they can ask a presidential candidate, who if elected will have to tackle the most difficult problems this country has ever faced, has something to do with why he doesn't wear a flag pin on his lapel.
We have all gone completely insane.
Can you hear me screaming?
