It was one thing when Mark Foley's dalliances with under age House pages were exposed. It was a similar thing when Larry Craig was arrested for bathroom trysts. These acts are not only disgusting, they are potentially illegal.
But for the media to continue to talk about the John Edwards affair, something which was not illegal, to continue to hound him because they don't think he told the full truth about whatever happened with the blonde with the unpronouncable name, is just stupid.
John Edwards is now a private citizen entitled, in my opinion, to the same privacy the rest of us should enjoy. Yes, we Democrats dodged a bullet here, in that we were wise enough not to nominate him for president. We would have been facing a mess had we chosen him. The holier than thou Republicans would have hammered us. And some in the media are using the fact that he tried to get the nomination as justification for continuing to investigate this story.
I don't buy it. There is no justification for hounding him now. The man is finished politically - he is a non-story, even with Howard Wolfson's silly (and now unproven) contention that if Edwards had not run, Hillary would be the nominee.
Once Mark Foley went into "rehab" the press pretty much left him alone. His career was over, just as Edwards' career is over now, whether fair or not.
Of course everyone feels sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. There are few things as painful as discovering the love of your life is giving his love and his body to someone else. But does anyone help Elizabeth by continuing to drag her family through the mud?
As a former marriage counselor, who has watched the pain that spouses feel when they are betrayed, I cannot excuse the behavior of John Edwards, but I want to say something no one else has said. John and Elizabeth Edwards are courageous people who have been through hell and back, and all of that hell is the backdrop for this irrational behavior of John Edwards.
First they lost their beloved son in a tragic and senseless car accident when the boy was only 16. Afterwards, they went into a deep depression for at least a year, after which John decided to go into politics as a way to honor his boy and make his life about something other than making money. One thing that should be pointed out here is that the death of a child is devastating to a marriage. Some studies show that 90% of couples divorce after a child dies. But even for those spouses who don't divorce, the experience changes them profoundly and leaves an enduring painful emptiness in the heart.
Edwards rose quickly in the Democratic Party and almost became the vice president. In fact, the exit polls in 2004 predicted a Kerry - Edwards victory which they were celebrating when late returns proved the polls wrong. (Such a loss often leaves a person in a state of depression. But the Edwards didn't even have time to deal with that because of what followed.)
The day after the election Elizabeth announced that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. What followed were months of painful chemotherapy, complete with hair loss, and all the worry that goes with a cancer diagnosis. And while Elizabeth was the one with the illness, and the one everyone pities now, the entire family felt the reality of it. When one person in a family is diagnosed with cancer, everyone who loves him or her feels the pain and the panic. Now John and Elizabeth were facing the possibility of her death and perhaps that was more than he could take. He had lost his son, his dream of being vice president, and now he faced the possibility of losing his wife. I should note here that just as it is common to divorce after the death of a child, it is also common to divorce after one spouse is diagnosed with cancer. This seems callous and harsh, but it happens frequently, signaling to us that the stress on the marriage must be enormous.
In Edwards' case, having suffered two painful losses, and facing one more possible loss, he must have felt a little crazy. Perhaps that's what Elizabeth Edwards saw when she urged him to run again for president, even though she knew about his infidelity, and even after her cancer returned. Perhaps she thought it would give him something to live for, to focus on so that he didn't fall into despair or self-destructive behavior. (Not a good enough reason to run for president in my opinion - the duties of the presidency are not meant to be therapy for anyone.) Nonetheless, we often make decisions for the wrong reasons.
Now, even though Edwards has finally admitted the affair, the media is obsessed with finding out if John Edwards is the father of the woman's six month old baby. I really don't know what difference this would make to the media, to the Democratic Party or to anyone but the Edwards.
I really wish everyone - and especially the media - would leave them alone. It is no longer any of our business. They have been through hell many times over, and if John Edwards coped with that hell by allowing himself to escape into a temporary infatuation, and then following up on that with a profoundly stupid affair, be assured he will pay for it for the rest of his life. Life, I have learned, is always messy. No one is perfect and everyone handles stress differently. Every one of us has made huge mistakes in our life and being in the public eye doesn't make one immune to human stupidity. We should only wish this couple well, and hope they can repair the damage to their family and relationship and somehow enjoy life again.
John Edwards will never hold elected office again, but he may be able to do some good in the private sector. Bill Clinton has certainly redeemed himself with his charitable work. Sure, his donors may be angry that he deceived them and took their money. I understand that. But let's move on and let the Edwards deal with whatever is still unknown to the public about this situation. Let's be compassionate here and give them a break and be grateful that we nominated the right person for the presidency.
